By Barbara Rainey
First posted on EverThineHome.com
Opening an old journal I found on the shelf, I found these words in my handwriting:
“I really wanted to go to the meetings this morning, but here I am being a mother. Mothering doesn’t stop. Their needs don’t stop. Sick kids can’t be delegated. So once again I’m isolated and he, my husband, is not.”
I felt again those challenging, relentless days of my motherhood when my six kids were between the ages of six months and 10 years old.
Following this brief entry I wrote this prayer:
“Father, I pray you will teach me more about my identity and my call as a mom. Teach me, too, the value of that call because so much of my work is inside these walls—unseen and immeasurable.”
It was an honest plea for help to the one who made me and made me a mother. I needed the Lord to confirm His purpose in me. I needed to hear Him say: You matter!
Feeling trapped as a mom is not uncommon. The needs of a family are endless and relentless and consume our waking hours. Another journal entry of mine expresses the smallness of my world and the confusion about my purpose.
“There are times when I feel I’ve given up everything; that there is nothing left of me. My interests are all shelved. My world is outside of the mainstream of adult life. And I wonder why a lot. Why did God give me creativity, interests in art, color, beauty, if I can’t use them? Is it a matter of finding the right expression? Is it all a matter of timing? What does it mean to lay up treasures in heaven?”
The fear of living out thankless, obscure lives links us as women across generations and reminds us we are not alone.
But today our image-driven culture makes it more difficult than ever for women to feel our worth. We turn to social media for connection, but that only reminds us our homes aren’t decorated well enough, our bodies aren’t toned tightly enough, our kids aren’t dressed cute enough, and on it goes.
We start to believe we don’t even matter as a woman, as a wife, as a mom, as a person. But that comparison is lethal if our heart identity isn’t anchored firmly in the value Jesus places on us.
Here’s a little truth to remind you that … You matter!
Your life is not an afterthought. With careful, loving, predetermined foreknowledge, the Creator designed beauty in you as a woman. He even added God-like qualities: creativity, intelligence, leadership (to name a few). He instilled all that you need for relationships: the ability to communicate, feel, reason, dream, imagine, and love. Life would not have continued on earth without women.
It is a gift that you are made “a little lower than the angels” and not like the animals who can build but who can’t create, who can grow physically but not spiritually or intellectually. You are who God made you to be. You are living with the people He gave you. He makes no mistakes. Dare I say, “Get over it and say, ‘Thank you, God’?”
Most importantly, giving you invaluable worth as a woman is the indescribable honor that you can be the dwelling place of the Spirit of God.
You matter! The most-High God resides inside you! And when Christ indwells you, He is able to work out a God-ordained purpose for your life.
You’re the only one who can do what God has planned in your home. Erwin McManus explains in his book, The Artisan Soul, “We have no control over the gifts and talents given to us, but we have every responsibility for their stewardship.” So rather than mourn what we don’t have or aren’t recognized for, thank God for what God has given. Then ask Him how He intends for you to use what He has given for His good and glory.
Here are three challenges for you:
Remember the “season principle.” You go through seasons in your life when you may need to give something up in order to focus on priorities. But seasons change!
When I was young I thought motherhood could co-exist with my other loves. Though my children were my priority, I still tried to reserve energy to foster my personal love of creating art. Motherhood wasn’t my only dream.
But while I painted, untied laces tripped toddler feet, hungry stomachs growled, and siblings squabbled. Cries of “Mommy, mommy!” regularly interfered with artistic aims, and I knew something had to change.
Exhausted and overwhelmed, I boxed up my art supplies and prayed, “God, I give you my art stuff, and if you want me to have it back someday, great. But for now, I’m focusing on my kids.” I knew that my kids were more significant canvases that needed to be painted with love, God, and the beauty of discipleship.
That season of my life lasted for years. At times I wondered if my tiny artistic talents and interests would ever find growth and development, but I learned to trust, knowing God wanted me to teach and create art in the lives of my six children.
And after 25 years of waiting, when my youngest daughters were in high school, I began painting lessons. They felt like a scrumptious, long-awaited feast after a long famine. This time I could fully enjoy the sweet delicacy of art without regrets.
And when my empty nest season began, my love of art combined with a desire to help other moms pass on biblical truth to their own children. My lifelong interest in history, my love of art and everything beautiful, and my passion for God’s Word finally came together in the ministry of Ever Thine Home.
Be strong and courageous. To be what God designed us to be requires courage to refuse to be like everyone else. We all claim we want to be unique, but we constantly try to fit in, blend in, and conform. Comparison gets us every time.
Being who God made you to be means swimming upstream. It means thinking not only about why you are doing what you are doing, but also constantly asking God what He wants you to do.
Like you, I’ve struggled with comparison all my life. I too look at social media and feel my house isn’t as cute as others or that my work isn’t as important as others. So when you feel the pull to compare:
· Resist the temptation to settle for mediocrity, which means becoming like someone else.
· Read your Bible every day to realign your thinking with the only One whose opinion matters. Keep Scripture before your eyes. Memorize verses God uses to speak to you.
· Run to Jesus with your fears and worries that your life doesn’t matter. Listen to Him. Listen to music about Him to fill your mind with the truth.
Believe that your life is a work of art. We women share many of the same colors on our palettes, but we have individual differences in quantity and combinations. My lack of certain colors, which I see as limitations, is part of God’s design.
Bible teacher Jen Wilkin said, “Our limits are to point us to worship our limitless God.” When we chafe at what we can’t do, we are telling God He made a mistake. We are rejecting part of what makes us unique. Therefore, we miss becoming that one-of-a-kind design that only we can be.
You matter. You’re the only one who can influence your family, your home the way God intends. And because we can’t be who God created us to be on our own power and effort, I offer a prayer from Hebrews 13:20-21 for all of us women:
“Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.”
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