By Dennis Rainey
Did you know there is an actual belt around the globe, five degrees north and south of the equator, called the “doldrums”? It wraps its way around the planet and is known to have no wind…NADA…not a breath…for weeks. In the days when ships depended on wind for their sails, getting caught in the doldrums sometimes meant weeks without movement—and that could mean death if sailors were caught in the heat and humidity with a short supply of food and water.
Marriages of any length will encounter periods of doldrums—with no wind in their sails. No romance … NADA! Sameness. Suffering. No fun. Groundhog day, over and over.
Last week I began a list of six ways that wives can communicate their love and romance their husbands. Here’s the remainder of the list. Read these carefully and pick one or two that you can begin to excel in now and over the next 12 months.
2. Ask your husband a question or two about romance in your marriage and listen carefully to his answers.
Ask him, “What have been the three most romantic times we’ve had together? What made them so romantic?”
Ask him, “What can I do as your wife to create a more romantic marriage? What would you really like?”
Listen to his answers. What is he saying? Not saying? Ask God to help you communicate love, patience and romance in your husband’s language. Pull out your calendar and start by marking down some dates and experiences when you can clearly speak his love language and ignite some sparks in your marriage.
3. Remember that any husband wants to be desired by his wife.
So when was the last time you flirted with your husband? Locked your eyes on him, took his face in your hands, and planted one on him? Really turned it on? Or have you forgotten how to flirt?
Flirting in marriage is legal! And should be liberally applied!
When was the last time you used your sexual power to lure him away from his smartphone or the sporting event on TV to be with you? Although Proverbs 5-7 is a father’s warning to his son about the illicit power of women who are aggressive, it’s only wrong because she’s a woman of the streets and not his wife. Become a God-authorized powerful magnet to your husband.
If you are reticent … do you know why? There are likely good reasons that need to be unpacked with the help of a solid biblical counselor.
The solution is NOT TO TRADE HIM IN FOR A NEWER, SLEEKER MODEL!
4. Understand your husband wants to be respected, honored and affirmed by his wife.
Ephesians 5:33 instructs husbands and wives, “However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Do you know what communicates respect to your husband? How about a handwritten love letter that you read to him expressing appreciation for his positive qualities? Try bragging, not ragging, on him verbally. Someone has said, “Praise owes it value due to its scarcity.”
Honor him …
… by speaking to him with respect.
… for being a man of integrity.
… by thanking him for helping with chores or putting the kids to bed or taking the family out to eat.
I don’t think you can over-do communicating respect to him.
How about affirming him WITH WORDS…
… for making a good decision.
… for providing for you and your family.
… the next time you make love for loving you well and being a great lover.
5. Give him the gift of your affection.
Hold his hand.
Put your hand on his knee. Maybe you haven’t done that recently … it’s okay!
Resist passivity. The easiest thing to do is nothing.
Playfully rub his neck and shoulders while talking on the couch.
Put his feet in your lap and give him a really good foot massage while he watches a movie.
Give him a back massage while you talk.
It’s best to communicate with kind words and physical affection, then just kind words alone.
6. Realize he wants intrigue, adventure, and creativity with his wife.
I’m reminded of a great quote by an English theologian, Oswald Chambers:
“Human nature, if it is healthy, demands excitement, and if it does not obtain its thrilling excitement in the right way, it will seek it in the wrong. God never makes bloodless stoics; He makes passionate saints!”
What to do? Well, it’s not the cure for every malady in marriage, but a few surprises along the way and some fun never hurt anyone. One laugh a week is not excessive!
Read chapter seven in Song of Solomon and note how King Solomon’s wife used anticipation with him. Anticipation is a powerful force for good in the life of your husband.
Notice that she not only says, “There I will give you my love,” but also has stored up for him “New as well as old.” She didn’t allow marriage to rob them of their romance, creativity, and fresh sparks.
Plan a special date night and make all the arrangements. Even better, plan a surprise weekend away from home. When was the last time you made time for that?
You are innovative. You’ll figure it out. And he will be glad.
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