Consider how you can honor your parents with more than just a store-bought card or gift.
By Dennis Rainey
This is the second post in a series on honoring your parents.
One night as I went out for a run, I thought about the thankless task of parenting—raising children is a tough job. Barbara and I had six kids in 10 years. Changing diapers, wiping runny noses, and hauling kids back and forth to school and to different activities was a way of life.
As I rounded the bend in the road, I felt the fresh air jogging a new thought in my mind: “My parents did this for me growing up!” In that moment, the value of what my folks had done for me finally dawned on me.
Come to think of it, as a baby I never rolled over and thanked my mother for changing my diaper. I don’t recall thanking her as a toddler for mopping the floor after I spilled my milk—for the third time—during lunch. I never thanked my mom for being there for me when I was running a fever in the middle of the night. And yet my mother and father’s sacrificial, thankless labor of love has forever shaped my life.
Why wait until they die?
Years ago, Barbara and I visited some of the old cathedrals in Great Britain. One of the things that we noticed in those great cathedrals was the tributes to mothers and fathers from their children. These tender words of praise—written after the parents had died—had been carefully carved into marble, permanently displayed on the ancient walls. As I read some of the tributes, I wondered, “Why wait until death to celebrate the life of a parent?”
The legacy my parents left is more than writing etched in marble; it’s the permanent etching on my heart that will never be forgotten. My mother and father, Ward and Dalcie Rainey, never wrote a book about parenting or spoke to crowds about families, but they were powerful influences on my life.
My father was a man of impeccable morals and had more influence on my life than any other man. He taught me character and integrity. He showed me how to be successful and how to compete fairly. He left me with a thousand memories of playing catch, camping, fishing, and living life. And I cannot ever recall him lying to me.
My mother was tenacious, a leader, and impressed upon me that family life was to be treasured. That’s why her home was more than four walls and a roof. Mom made sure our house was a place that embraced relationships. What’s more, I’m eternally grateful that she led me to Christ as a 6-year-old boy.
They deserve honor
When was the last time you thought about the sacrifices that your mother and father made for you? Have you evaluated the impact they’ve had on your life? I want to encourage you to consider how you can honor your parents with more than just a store-bought card, a tie, house slippers, candy, or even a new tool or appliance.
Honoring parents is close to the heart of God. In the fifth of the 10 Commandments He charged us, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).
If you think about it, this command is radical in an age where we’re encouraged to look backwards to blame, throw stones, and find fault with our parents. Instead, Almighty God wants us to appreciate and esteem our parents as human beings created in His image. Let this spring be the beginning of an era of honor, starting with four practical steps.
1. Spend time with your parents on their agenda, not yours.
That may mean visiting or calling them regularly. That was one very important lesson I learned from my father. I can still recall watching him on numerous occasions get up after dinner and a hard day’s work, say goodbye to my mother and me, and walk a few blocks over to his mother’s house. I went with him on more than one occasion. I would sit there and listen to the tick of the cuckoo clock and the creak of my grandmother’s rocking chair.
There wasn’t a lot of conversation; there certainly wasn’t much entertainment for a young man. There was only the sense of my dad honoring his mom.
As a boy, I was bored. And it felt like a waste of time.
Now, as a father and grandfather, the significance of my dad’s message of honoring his mother is etched on my heart.
In today’s fast-paced society this kind of commitment may be too much to orchestrate. As a matter of fact, there was a time in my life when I found it very difficult to stay in touch with Mom.
Our kids were young, Barbara had several medical problems, and there were high demands on time. Still, I tried to call her at least once a week to keep in touch. We made trips to Missouri to visit her several times a year. We made an extra effort to pass through my hometown as a family and stay with her a couple of days on our way to or from ministry assignments.
2. Send handwritten letters.
If you’re like me, you quickly go through the mail to see if you received any handwritten notes from friends or family. In this world of e-mails and texting, nothing shows appreciation like sitting down and taking the time to write out a letter on paper.
My father died unexpectedly before I had the chance to tell him everything I wanted to say, so I promised myself that I would not let that happen with my mom. Looking back on our relationship, I feel like I did everything I could to make sure my relationship with Mom was kept alive and that she felt appreciated and encouraged. After she died, however, I realized I really could have done more.
As Barbara and I packed her keepsakes, and after going through the top drawer of her bedroom dresser, I noticed there weren’t enough handwritten letters. Mom had saved every letter I’d ever sent. Standing in her room, I wondered how many times those letters were read and re-read. There were notes from my kids stuffed in her drawer along with pictures that Barbara and I had sent. To me, that’s a statement of how lonely the latter years of our lives can be and how important it is for us as children to keep that relationship alive and thriving.
3. Never underestimate the power of saying, “I love you.”
Can you ever say those three words enough? Almost all of us love our parents, and we often take it for granted that they know. When was the last time you said, “Mom [or Dad], I love you”? If the relationship between you has hardened, his or her heart may not be able to receive that message. Don’t let that discourage you. Your words of love are exactly what your mother or father needs to hear.
I understand that you might not have had the kind of relationship with your parents that I had with mine. Maybe there was some abuse or neglect, and you aren’t ready to take bold steps of love at this point. Perhaps the mere thought of saying, “I love you,” to a seemingly unworthy parent makes you angry. You don’t want to express love. You don’t want to forgive.
But you and I are commanded to love, forgive, and honor our parents. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
If you are having a difficult time honoring your parents, take baby steps. That’s all the Lord requires of us. Step out in faith from where you are and depend on God to give you the strength to do the right thing.
Just do it!
4. Write and present a tribute.
Within the next couple of weeks, sit down for an extended period of time and list the things you appreciate about your parents. The way they have provided for you, cared for you, or showed love to you over the years. Include the traits you admire about them. Is your father a hard worker? Is your mother hospitable? Is she a great cook? Does your father have a wonderful smile? Ask God to remind you of some truly memorable moments that you and they took great delight in.
Then use this list as the foundation of a written tribute. Write it as if you’re composing a letter to your parents and include items from your list. Your tribute doesn’t have to be long; what matters most is that your words flow from your heart to theirs.
When you’re finished, type it and have it professionally framed. Then read it to your parents on a special occasion such as a birthday, anniversary, or holiday. I promise that your parents will treasure this gift for the rest of their lives.
I first wrote a tribute to my mother in 1988, and I’m glad I gave it to her when she was alive instead of writing it for her eulogy. As I sat in her funeral, I felt satisfied, knowing that I had told her everything that I ever wanted to say. No regrets.
I’ve heard many stories over the years about the healing that can take place in a relationship with parents when a child makes the effort to honor them. I’ve even received letters from folks who have written tributes to unsaved relatives; the heart-to-heart expression of love in a tribute has cracked open the door, making it possible to be able to explain how Jesus died on the cross for them. Often Christians run home with the truth before running home with love and honor. I wonder sometimes if our parents are waiting for us to honor them before they receive our Savior.
Whether your parents are saved or still in need of a Savior, there’s not a better opportunity to begin the process of honoring your parents than right now.
Be sure to watch for the next three posts in this series on honoring your parents.
Copyright © by FamilyLife. Used with permission.
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