By Dennis Rainey
I remember when a close friend of ours went through the heart-ripping experience of a divorce. Their 5-year-old, freckle-faced daughter was jerked north then south as the two people she loved the most began the process of ripping up their marriage covenant.
Because Barbara and I knew this couple very well, for nearly three years we prayed. We counseled, called, wrote letters, pleaded, reasoned, and wept. Miraculously they agreed to attend two Weekend to Remember marriage getaways.
But two hardened hearts couldn’t let go of their hurt and forgive one another.
The day the divorce was finalized, a little girl’s heart was crushed as the judge’s gavel came smashing down. And she was left with a living mosaic of deceit, betrayal, and broken promises.
We were bewildered. Confused. We had prayed. Didn’t God say He hated divorce? Yet in the end, we felt sin had won.
Disappointment with God soon followed. If prayers so close to God’s heart are going to be unanswered, then why pray? The incident rattled our faith. It shouldn’t have, but it did. We were tempted to lose heart.
After a time, we both closeted our discouragement and unbelief—we buried them. Instead of working out the emotions of being discouraged with God’s answer, we sort of tucked it all away like a box full of Christmas ornaments in an obscure closet in our lives.
On occasion, when we were encountering another gritty situation, we could both hear our doubt and discouragement rattling around in that closet. They would accuse and chide, “Why pray, anyway? Why try? In the end people are going to do it their way!” Unresolved discouragement and disillusionment had replaced faith and expectancy.
Infrequently exposed
Discouragement. Who hasn’t felt its chilling grip on his/her heart?
Discouragement neutralizes optimism, assassinates faith and hope, and robs people of courage. Perhaps no other human emotion is so commonly experienced and yet so infrequently exposed.
Have you ever been tempted to lose heart because God didn’t answer a critical prayer for you? You know, something urgent—something inextricably linked to your heart—and even something that you were certain was God’s will?
I’m convinced that many Christians closet their disappointment with God. Denying doubts, we become dishonest with God and put on a spiritual veneer that says, “All is well!”
Unprocessed discouragement results in mistrust. And it is at this critical point that the enemy of our souls has us exactly where he wants us. Paralyzed in unbelief from the neck down, our eyes see and our minds know what we ought to believe, but the faith of our hearts lies dormant. Frozen. And a subtle mistrust of God sets in.
Disheartened, we passively allow other weeds to sprout. Discouragement creates fertile soil for the weeds of doubt, fear, unbelief, and compromise to grow.
A friend shared a story with us about a public auction that the devil organized. As the prospective buyers assembled, they noticed an assortment of tools that the devil was selling. The tools of worry, fear, lust, greed, and selfishness were all carefully inspected before the sale. But off to one side, standing alone, there was one oddly shaped, well-worn tool which was labeled, “Not for sale.”
Asked to explain why, the devil replied, “I can spare my other tools, but I cannot spare this one. It is the most useful implement that I have. With it I can work my way deep into hearts otherwise inaccessible. After I have plowed deeply with this tool, the way is open to plant anything there I desire. It is the most effective tool I have. It is the tool of discouragement.”
Overcoming discouragement
In Galatians 6:9-10, the apostle Paul tells us, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
As Barbara and I have worked through periods of discouragement—like the one I described earlier when the couple gave up on their marriage—some simple steps have helped us move from unbelief to hope:
1. Be truthful with God.
I’ve found that God is not fooled by my lofty prayers for missionaries in Africa when deep inside my faith is closeted by discouragement. God is able to handle your emotions. Your doubts. And even your anger. Be honest with God. Name what you are feeling.
Are you discouraged about a child who pushes back repeatedly and rarely reaches your expectations? Tell God.
Disheartened about your mate and an unresolved conflict? God knows already, but pour it out.
Disillusioned with a friend? God sees. God knows. Then pray for your friend and yourself.
Are you questioning God—His fairness, your circumstances, or your unanswered prayers? Take some time and get alone. Quiet your heart. Share your grief with the One who knows you best.
Here’s where Paul’s admonition to “not grow weary” nudges me in the right direction. It’s normal to get discouraged, but Paul warns it’s not acceptable to stay discouraged.
2. Find the source of your discouragement.
The issue may be a goal that was not attained … again. Your failure or a friend’s failure. Or the problem may be a cutting remark of a friend or a family member, the feeling that you’re carrying this particularly heavy burden alone, or the lack of approval by an important person in your life.
The longer you carry your discouragement by yourself, the heavier it gets. Ask God to lighten your load.
By isolating the source of my discouragement, many times I’ve found that my hope was in the wrong person or in the wrong place. On other occasions I’ve found that my response was normal—and because I can’t quit, I’ve just got to work through my feelings of wanting to throw in the towel.
Again Paul’s heavenly inspired words echo in our souls: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
3. With a heart of faith, look beyond your circumstances and your emotions to the One and only God who will renew you day by day.
Realize that hardship is what God uses to perfect our faith (Romans 5:1-10). And remember, God promises “… in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
One of my favorite stories is that of the British missionary Elizabeth Aleward. When she was a teenager she confessed that she had two great sorrows: Her hair was black and straight (when all of the popular girls’ hair was full of golden curls), and while all her friends kept growing, she ended up short.
Years later, God called her to the mission field in China. As she stood looking at the people to whom God had called her to minister, she said, “I noticed two very apparent observations about these people. First, each and every one of them had long, straight black hair. And second, each and every one of them had stopped growing at exactly the same moment that I did. And I bowed my head and prayed, ‘Jehovah, God, You know what You are doing!’”
My friend, the tomb is empty—Jesus Christ is alive. He defeated death and He is the One who can lift up heavy hands or a burdened heart.
Barbara and I have concluded that God has given us a life that is going to have times of discouragement and disappointment. We love the way Philip Yancey puts it: “The alternative to disappointment with God seems to be disappointment without God.” The uncertainty of life can only be handled by a tough, resilient faith in a God who knows what He is doing.
Will you trust Him with what you are facing right now?
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